Fix It Yourself

Morning. Greg here! In this week’s issue I’ve got a special interview with Paul Rabil, a legendary lacrosse player and President of the Premier Lacrosse League. We talk fatherhood, ambition, learning from Triple H and more. In Jon’s Manologue he talks about restoring a desk for his son and how it’s 10x more gratifying than ordering a 500-piece prefabricated new desk from China. We’ve also got the foods you need to eat, a fun event in Houston you can attend with me and more.

And to make sure you get all my recs and columns, including my 29029 recap next week, our full Wednesday and Sunday issues, Jon’s Manologue and Ron’s financial takes, as well as our complete library and access to our monthly live calls, upgrade to Midlife Male Premium right here. 

How I See It by Greg Scheinman

I grew up playing lacrosse every summer at Camp Winaukee in New Hampshire. If you grew up on Long Island, or anywhere on the East Coast, lacrosse was a big deal. And for years, Paul Rabil was the guy. One of the best players in the world. When my son started playing, he even went to one of Paul's camps.

Since retiring, Paul has gone from player to league founder, helping build the Premier Lacrosse League and grow the sport in ways that would have been hard to imagine when I was younger. A few weeks ago, I got to experience the PLL firsthand with my son in Denver. The games and competition were first-rate, but what impressed me just as much was everything around them: the atmosphere, hospitality, fans, kids and sense that everyone involved genuinely cares about growing the sport.

Paul recently turned 40 and wrote a reflection about where he is in his life. It caught my attention because he's navigating so many of the things we talk about here: fatherhood, ambition, aging, relationships, therapy, business and figuring out what matters as you move into the next stage of your life.

We talked about all of it.

Greg: I was really moved by your reflections at 40. My older son loved playing lacrosse and was a big fan of yours. Then I saw that post and thought, wow, time moves on. Here's another legendary athlete turning 40 and looking at his life differently. I've certainly been there.

Paul: I went into 40 thinking I wasn't going to feel anything. But 40 is widely celebrated because, on average, it's around the midway point of your life, and you start thinking existentially.

There's a writer I really enjoy, Tim Urban, who writes Wait But Why. He's great at breaking down really complex, scary things: death, our parents eventually not being here, our critical inner voice never going away. Those are the kinds of things you start thinking about differently.

Paul: I'm jealous of what you do for a living. There was a time when I was playing and doing a lot of creative thinking. I had a podcast. I really enjoyed writing my book. There's a peaceful state to being in observation, engaging with others and being curious.

Running the league often isn't like that. What we're doing is speculative and really trying. We're in entertainment, and you have to understand that the universe has a say in the outcome. We have to convince more people to fall in love with lacrosse, and that takes time.

I put the fan first because I'm a fan myself. There are very few people who say, "I'm a fan of the NFL." They say, "I'm a Giants fan." The next phase for us is moving people from being fans of the PLL to becoming fans of the teams within it.

You get there through belonging. In sports, belonging is often connected to community and the city where you live. Ultimately, we want to improve someone's life, whether that's a player or a fan. That kind of relationship can't be bought. It has to be earned.

Greg: When did you realize you wanted to build the PLL and put players, fans and belonging at the center of it?

Paul: The two things I care about most are human psychology and storytelling, in that order. You can't tell stories unless you understand people.

I have a friend and business coach in San Francisco named David Acker, and we talk about beginning conversations around assumptions with the phrase, "The story I tell myself..." It immediately acknowledges that you might not have the full answer.

Years ago, after one of my camps, a father and son stopped me at an airport. The dad said, "That was an amazing event for my son. I hope you stay at it, because I only wish I could have an impact like you're having."

Then he said something I've never forgotten:

The Manologue by Jon Finkel

We’ve gotten so good at replacing things, ordering things and swapping out old things for new things with one click that many of us have forgotten how good it feels to build stuff and fix stuff with our own hands. 

How familiar is this scenario?

Something breaks, you throw it away and buy another one. Need a desk? Click. Chair? Click. Bookshelf? Click. Two days later a giant box shows up at your front door and you spend two hours putting together 25 pieces of fake wood with 207 nuts, bolts and screws labeled A through R. Follow the instructions, turn the Allen wrench 600 times and eventually you have furniture.

I’m 100% guilty of this. The office chair for my desk, the chairs in my kids’ rooms, my daughter’s desk, my desk, the bookshelf in my son’s room, they were all ordered online and assembled by me. Is there a sense of accomplishment when you’re done? Sure. I guess. But let’s not kid ourselves. Most furniture we “build” now is essentially a Lego set for dads. Any monkey with two Allen wrenches and a fold-out instruction manual can put it together.

That’s a hell of a lot different than actually making something.

When I took woodshop in high school, we started with wood. Not Part A and Part B with pre-drilled holes and a little baggie of screws. Actual wood. We had to measure it, cut it, drill it, sand it and figure out how to turn it into something. Sometimes we built things from scratch. Sometimes we fixed stuff. Either way, when you were finished, you had done something built with your hands.

My son isn’t offered woodshop class in school. Your son probably isn’t either. And I think that’s a shame.

Which brings me to the desk.

The desk in my son’s room is more than a decade old and has survived basically every age and stage of both of my kids. It started out as their all-purpose craft desk, which is a nice way of saying they absolutely destroyed it. Glue. Glitter. Paint. Paste. Markers. Whatever the hell else little kids use to ruin furniture. No matter what we put down to protect it, somehow everything ended up permanently attached to the desk anyway.

Over the years it got worse. There were divots and chunks missing from the top. The paint and wood had peeled off in places. The drawers and knobs were loose and didn’t shut. The surface was so sticky and uneven that my son (now 13) could barely write on it. 

A while ago he finally said, “Dad, I need a new desk.”

My immediate reaction was obvious: I’ll order one.

I started looking online. Office Depot. Amazon. My normal routine…

Then something hit me. Maybe it was a lightning bolt sent directly from my freshman woodworking teacher, Mr. Thibodeaux, but I remembered that one of the things we used to do in woodshop was restore old furniture.

I looked at my son’s desk and thought: Wait a minute. I can just fix this thing.

I’m not saying I suddenly went full Tim Allen here (though I did grunt a few times). I didn’t buy a table saw and belt sander and install a pegboard with 75 perfectly organized tools in my garage, although I would absolutely love all of those things. I took a picture of the desk, drove over to Ace Hardware and found a guy who knew what he was doing. His name was Hal. He was in his seventies. He knew his shit. Used to be a contractor. These guys are solid gold humans.

About 40 minutes later I walked out with three grades of sandpaper, cleaner to get a decade of gunk off the desk, primer, stain, polyurethane, new screws, new knobs, brushes, a foam roller and a mask so I wouldn’t inhale 12 years of glitter, glue and whatever else my kids had embedded in that thing.

Then I…

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Here’s the workout I did every morning in Manhattan Beach: 1.5-mile walk to get coffee, stopping halfway at an outdoor workout spot on the sand for 15 minutes of “Cindy” — the classic CrossFit workout of 5 pullups, 10 pushups and 15 air squats, AMRAP (as many rounds as possible). Then I’d hit it again on the walk back.

That’s three miles of walking plus a whole lot of pullups, pushups and squats. Fitness anywhere is always possible.

To make it harder, I brought my AION vest and wore it for every session. It’s 10 pounds, perfectly balanced and washable, so I’d hose it down and let it dry outside. If you’re looking for a weight vest, this is the one to get.

Nothing’s worse than a shirt stuck to you when it’s hot out. I normally like a more fitted tee, but Buck Mason’s Japanese De-Luxe Cotton Linen Knit Tee is ideal when you need a little more room to breathe. It’s lightweight, has a wider neck and a classic fit, all cut from an ultra-fine Japanese linen-cotton blend.

Stick with black and navy. The white can be a little see-through. They also make a long-sleeve version with a great fit and sleeve length. Check them out HERE, along with my other Buck Mason essentials.

It bears repeating: you can’t outtrain a bad diet. And we don’t really like the D-word around here anyway. Diets come and go. Nutrition is a lifestyle.

So keep it simple. Here’s what should be rotating through your fridge, freezer and pantry to keep your energy up, your training fueled and your waistline in check.

Protein: Chicken, lean ground turkey and beef, salmon, eggs, Greek yogurt, cottage cheese, tofu/tempeh, shrimp, canned tuna or salmon, beans, lentils and protein powder.

Carbs: Oats, rice, sweet potatoes, regular potatoes, quinoa, whole-grain or sprouted bread, beans and whole-wheat pasta. Carbs are fuel. They’re not the enemy.

Fruits: Berries, bananas, apples, citrus and avocados. Stop skipping fruit.

Vegetables: Leafy greens, broccoli, onions, garlic, carrots, cucumbers, tomatoes and frozen mixed vegetables. Frozen is fine.

Fats: Extra virgin olive oil, nuts, natural nut butter, avocado oil and seeds.

Dairy: Milk or an unsweetened alternative, real cheese and butter.

Condiments: I like Primal Kitchen for ketchup, mustard, BBQ sauce, Yum Yum Sauce and the basics. Good, clean brand to keep around.

That’s it. Build most of your meals from this list and you’re already way ahead of the game.

Come hang with me and a great group of people on October 3 in Houston for a half-day Micro Retreat built around moving, breathing, training, recovering and connecting.

We’ll do performance breathwork, optional pool workouts, mobility work, ice and heat therapy, eat good food and talk about how to actually incorporate all of this stuff into your life. It’s open to men and women and designed for every fitness level. You’ll push yourself, learn some new things and meet other people committed to living healthier and getting more out of life.

Space is intentionally limited because this isn’t supposed to feel like a giant conference. It’s an afternoon to train, learn, connect and leave feeling better than when you walked in.

Grab your spot HERE and use code MLMROCKS for $50 off.

Midlife Male Founder: Greg Scheinman / Follow Greg on Instagram & LinkedIn

Love Greg’s How I See It column? Visit the full How I See It Archive HERE where he shares his personal insights, experiences and perspectives on everything affecting midlife.

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Midlife Male Editor-in-Chief: Jon Finkel / Follow Jon on Twitter/X and Instagram

Love Jon’s Manologue column? Check out the full Manologue Archive HERE. And if you really enjoy Jon’s writing, pre-order his upcoming thriller, Bear Brawl, now. USA Today Bestselling author Stayton Bonner calls it “Jack Reacher Meets The Edge.”