It's not that I don't like you

The Midlife Male is a newsletter and podcast by Greg Scheinman sharing experiences on aging, success, personal growth, and navigating midlife. If someone forwarded you this newsletter, click here to sign up.

It's not that I don’t like you. It’s that I'm disinterested.  

I was flying home from Nashville on Sunday with Kate and Harper after a great weekend of work and play. I had the opportunity to workout and record a podcast with the legendary Gunnar Peterson at his new facility.

Kate and Harper wanted to tour Belmont University, so we made a family weekend out of it. We’d never been to Nashville before and I’ll give you more on all of this and my tearjerker dad moment on the plane below.

On the flight I was checking my messages (Thank goodness for in-flight Wi-Fi) and got into the following exchange with a friend. It’s something I've been dealing with for a while now – the difference between dislike and disinterest – and I wanted to share it with you.

Alright, let’s unpack all this, because it’s a bit more nuanced than it looks. 

Saying “It’s not that I dislike you, it’s that I’m disinterested” isn’t about harboring negative feelings or having a beef with someone. It’s more about where your head’s at, your energy, and identifying what requires your attention and supports your intention.

The truth is that as we get older, our bandwidth for BS narrows down – big time. 

We get clear on what, or who, lights us up and what doesn’t.

So, when I say I’m disinterested, it’s not personal.

It doesn’t mean I think less of you or that there’s something wrong with you.

It’s just that I’m at a place where I need connections that spark something in me, conversations that go deeper than the surface, and vibes, services, experiences, expertise and wisdom that help me propel my life forward. 

Think of it like this: We all have our interests, our passions and the people who stoke those fires. Sometimes, you come across someone or something and there’s just no spark. You’ve seen it, heard it or experienced it before.  We’re just not connected on the same level, and that’s okay. Or we’re just at different places, ages, stages and times of our lives.  

If I’m all about deep diving into life’s big questions, working to make my dreams a reality, and you’re not on that wavelength, it doesn’t mean I dislike you. It just means my energy and interests are pointed elsewhere.

Again, that’s perfectly okay. It’s about recognizing and respecting that not everyone is going to fit into your life puzzle, and you won’t fit into everyone else’s.

Life’s too short to force connections or pretend to be into something or someone you’re not. And in midlife, it's especially important. Time is the one resource we can’t make more of. It’s not about being cold or standoffish; it’s about being honest with yourself and with others about where your interests, priorities and standards lie.

This doesn’t mean you should close yourself off to fresh perspectives or new ideas. Innovation and energy often come from those who are younger or less experienced. But when it comes to the core areas of my life – my 6 F’s, which are Family, Fitness, Finance, Food, Fashion and Fun – I’m looking for guidance from those who’ve already navigated these waters successfully.

It’s about aspiring to climb higher and insisting on mentors and peers who understand the terrain ahead because they’ve conquered it. So, when I step back from advice or content, or people who don't align with where I’m at or where I’m headed, it’s not because of dislike. It’s disinterest.

I’m looking to surround myself with voices of experience, with people who are out in front, leading the way, not because I’m looking down on anyone, but because I’m aiming to lift my own game. That’s where my head and heart are aligned, in the rich, hard-earned wisdom of those who’ve truly been there and done that.

It’s really about self-awareness and honesty. It’s about knowing what makes you tick and not being afraid to admit that not everything, or everyone, is going to be right for you. And that’s not a bad thing. It’s about focusing your time and energy on what genuinely resonates with you, and letting go of the notion that you have to be all things to all people.

In the end, fostering genuine connections means being real about where your interests lie. It means not wasting your time – or anyone else’s – on half-hearted interactions. And when you find the people, conversations and experiences that do light you up, you lean in with everything you’ve got. That’s where the good stuff in (mid)life really is.

In Health,

—Greg 

The Gathering: Houston — Saturday, April 20th

THIS Saturday, I’m hosting for a one-day intensive that combines movement, personal development and community.

The Gathering is back by popular demand — learn more here.

Who It’s For⁣

• Men (and women!), age 35ish-55ish.

• People who are high performers but always seeking improvement.

• People who have let themselves down at times and want to pick themselves back up.

• People looking for a community to work out with, share and learn from, network, and level up together.⁣

What You’ll Get

We start the morning with movement to get our natural energy systems up and running.

• Movement: Pool training, the ultimate workout for mind and body.⁣

• Breath: Guided breathwork on land with applications in the water, in the ice, and in all parts of life.⁣

• Restoration: Contrast therapy, where we hop between cold (Ice Bath) and heat (Sauna) exposure.

Then, enjoy a delicious, healthy lunch while your co-hosts lead a curated conversation on best practices for optimizing your mental and physical performance.

We will cover a range of topics on human performance, including mindset, nutrition, fitness, and tools for managing stress. All of these tools can be taken home and integrated into your routine to help you achieve a high performance lifestyle.⁣

After lunch, I’ll lead you through a workshop on developing your Personal Operating System & MAP (Midlife Action Plan). This is an immersive experience of thought-provoking ideas that will challenge you to show up bigger in your own life, with tangible takeaways on living happier, healthier, wealthier, stronger, longer and having more fun.⁣

We finish with photos — and, of course, dinner with me at one of my favorite restaurants in town if you grab the VIP ticket.

How I See It: Balancing Work and Family

What my son doesn’t know (Well I guess now he does) is that I put my sunglasses on right after this pic and cried for most of the flight home from Nashville. 

I love this kid more than life itself. Sitting next to him on the plane going to look at colleges and realizing that in a year my youngest is going to be out of the house and we’ll be empty nesters just crushes me.

As much as it excites me for all that’s ahead for him, selfishly this is all moving way too fast and I’m not ready to let go. I didn’t get these moments with my dad. I cherish them more than anything.

We’d never been to Nashville and this was a great weekend to combine a number of my 6 F’s. 

Kate and Harper got to join me for what was initially going to be a business trip to record a podcast with Gunnar Peterson. I got to see and workout at Gunnar’s new facility with friends and a few guys from my Inner Circle group, and they got to work in an in-person tour of Belmont University, which Harper is interested in. The trip from Houston was super easy, just one 90-minute flight.

We stayed at The Joseph, a Luxury Collection Hotel, which absolutely nailed it. The location was great, 15 minutes from the airport, in the heart of Downtown and walking distance to the Predators arena, Country Music Hall of Fame, Broadway and a slew of great sights. The hotel also has a killer pool and jaw-dropping view on the 21st floor. I always use Marriott and book with my Bonvoy American Express card (aff link), it’s just easier for travel to stick with one points system.

We hit Pelota Italian Restaurant on Friday night. It had the kind of cool, laid-back vibe that makes you want to love it. But while the scene was perfect for people watching, the dishes didn't quite hit the mark. Small portions, a tad too salty – it was more about the ambiance than the actual eats (Although I’ll give the meatballs a nod).

The Optimist? Man, talk about a letdown. I'm all for a place that has its style dialed in, but when that's all there is – style without the substance – it pisses me off. The decor and vibe were all top-notch. But then you're served by a waiter who doesn’t know the menu, and the service is super slow to bring the food and then everything arrives lukewarm, like it's been sitting around for a while, it’s disappointing. And don't get me started on the $67 steak that was only memorable for how much it cost and how much it sucked. It was a swing and a miss for me, a clear sign I'm over these celeb chef spots that prioritize looks over the actual dining experience.

Fortunately, the script was flipped with Urban Grub – that spot knows how to deliver. We had lunch there on Saturday in the 12 South area. The ribs and the chicken were amazing. Hearty portions, perfectly cooked and just plain delicious. I was happy again.

12 South was great. From vintage shops to the pop-ups, restaurants, and Wanna Spoon Cereal Bar ice cream (highly recommended). And for a guitar guy like me, the Gibson Garage store was like stepping into a dream. Being able to see and play so many legendary guitars? Priceless.

We hit Broadway. It’s a must. Even though we’re not bar and nightlife people, the lights, music and bars were all very cool to see and experience. We literally did one pass through the street, saw it all and moved on…Those types of nights are long in my past.

People were nice, the city was clean, it felt safe and Nashville had everything you’re looking for. We really enjoyed it, despite a couple of culinary missteps.  Definitely will return.

Sweat, relaxation and clarity*

Got space in the backyard? Here’s my recommendation: Buy a sauna.

Saunas have many health benefits. Even if you had a tough day at work, there’s always time to sit in a wooden barrel and sweat it out. The most-touted physical benefits of saunas are stress relief, pain relief and cardiovascular health.

My favorite perks of sauna therapy aren’t physical, though. They’re mental.

• Usually too hot for your phone. You can’t scroll for very long or else it overheats. Forces you to do a digital detox.

• Quiet. Insulated enough that you feel like you’re getting a break from the outside world.

• Boring. And we love that. Boring is great for deep thinking and processing. My million-dollar ideas come to me in the sauna.

There are lots of saunas on the market. What makes Sisu saunas unique are their construction. They use Western Red Cedar from the good ol’ USA and are built by master craftsmen. But setting up the ice bath at home is such a pain in the ass, and the gyms and spas that have cold plunges are often an inconvenience to get to -- not to mention inconsistent.

I also like Sisu because it was founded by two married couples in 2017. When I sit in my sauna, I know I’m supporting startup entrepreneurs, which resonates with me and gives me energy as an entrepreneur myself. Hard to describe — it’s just a feeling. But maybe you know what I’m talking about.

Get your life together — and a discount — by using coupon code MIDLIFEMALE.

Learn more about Plunge here and use code MidlifeMale for $150 off.

*Partner content

Did something in this newsletter resonate with you this week? Reply and let me know.

In health,

—Greg