Stop Asking. You Know the Answer.

Before we get into this week’s Middle, here are a few things I want to share that are making a big difference in my life right now.

As I focus more on sustainability and longevity in my training, I’m relying more on wearing weight, not always lifting more weight. AION is the most versatile, comfortable and manageable weighted training vest I’ve ever used. It allows me to add resistance and load to walks, stairs, pushups, squats and pretty much anything else I’m doing without having to turn everything into a heavy training session. I love it.

The other is EIGHT Sleep. I can’t tell you how much I enjoy sleeping on this thing and how much better I sleep each night. They just released the new Pod 6. I have the 5. The new version has a smaller unit at a lower price. Don’t sleep on this deal. Ha. Sorry, couldn’t resist.

You’re also going to keep hearing this from me: doing things beats talking about things. I’m heading to Baltimore next week to lead a couple of workshops at the Entrepreneurs’ Organization (EO) Conference alongside Under Armour founder Kevin Plank, Dr. Vonda Wright and Ben Greenfield, and that’s a lot of what I’ll be talking about. Then it’s on to Palm Beach for our next Midlife Male Excellent Adventure.

If you want in on the Excellent Adventure Club, apply HERE. It’s the thing I’m most excited about right now, and we’ve got a full year of events, group calls and special guests lined up. And if you haven’t upgraded to Midlife Male Premium yet, you can do that HERE. You’ll get our full columns, recommendations, PDF library, special event invites, monthly calls with me and Jon, access to our community and a lot more.

Okay, let’s get into it.

To prove the point of this column, I’m going to list a series of rapid-fire questions that I’m confident you already know the answers to:

What would happen to your finances if you spent more than you earned? What would happen if you invested more than you spent? What would happen to your health if you worked out four days a week? What would happen if you didn't exercise? What would happen if you ingested more calories than you burned off? What would happen if you ingested fewer?

What would happen to your relationship if you were present, put your phone down and had date night with your wife once a week? What would happen if you were always on your phone, didn't pay attention to her, took her for granted and worked 24/7? Now, what do you think would happen to your relationship with your kids? Friends? Colleagues? Yourself?

See where I'm going with this? You already know the answers to every single one of these questions. You know which decision makes your life better and which makes your life worse. It’s like I’ve said for years, sometimes you can boil complicated things down to a binary choice: Better one or better two?

In this case, if you’re feeling stuck, bored, complacent or empty, there’s a good chance you already know how to get yourself out. But the problem you’re having, if you can’t seem to decide the next course of action, is the actual doing.

You Don’t Have an Insight Problem

When my old college friend Jake called me over the weekend saying he had a problem, I knew immediately where he was going. He felt stuck. “I see you doing all this stuff with all these guys and I’m kind of envious,” he told me. “I’m not where I need to be. I’m not where you are.”

I asked him every one of these questions and more, and he got every answer right. So I said, “Jake, you don't have the problem you think you have. You think you have an insight problem. You don’t. You know exactly what to do. You know all the answers. What you have is an execution problem.”

You can probably even name the pattern: intensity without consistency. You sprint, then unwind. You find a new workout, lose 15 pounds of a 45-pound goal. You hit the gym two or three months super hard, then take six months off. You read a book on optimizing sleep, you get your sleep dialed in, then it all goes to shit. And the same pattern follows you home. The work intensity and control come right through the front door with you, and you end up in a constant cycle with no harmony.

Your health, your marriage and your presence aren't three separate problems. They're one operating system showing up in three places. 

Fix the system and all three move. The trap is that articulating the problem can feel like solving it. It’s not.

Choose Your Hard

It’s all hard. Being out of shape is hard. Getting in shape is hard. A distant marriage is hard. Showing up for it is hard. Being broke is hard. Becoming wealthy is also hard. We get to choose our hard.

I like the saying: Hard choices, easy life. Easy choices, hard life. So the question is whether you’re willing to do it or not. If you are, you're going to lose weight. You're going to get in better shape. You're going to look better, feel better and live happier, healthier, wealthier and stronger, with more fun in your life. If you're not, you won't.

Better one or better two, like I said.

That’s really what this comes down to, and it’s how I approach the work I do with guys. It’s not lip service. We're in it together, re-establishing lifestyles, standards and habits. We design a plan built around your actual life, your obligations, your responsibilities and your circumstances, and then you follow the plan.

It’s simple, but simple is hard. There’s no avoiding that.

Become a Yes Man (to Yourself)

My job isn't to help you understand yourself. It's to help you keep small promises for 90 days in a row, especially when travel, the holidays and a bad week hit. Don’t break the promises you make to yourself. Don’t break the promises you make to others. And don’t make too many promises in the first place.

A lot of our work together becomes a yes-or-no question: Did you, or did you not? When you stack up more “Yes, I did” than “No, I did not,” your life gets better. You can see it, measure it and feel it. We measure behavior, not conversation, because momentum doesn't come from a big declaration. It comes from a week of kept promises, and then another one, and then another.

We set floors, not ceilings. When you drift, and you will, you come back to the list instead of starting over. Having someone in your corner holding you accountable is great. Having a group of men around you who are all holding the line is even better. No guy wants to be the weak link in a group of men.

The funny thing is that you already know this because most men live it in their careers. Underperform quarter after quarter and eventually you're out of business or out of a job. Overperform quarter after quarter and you build a successful business, get promoted, make more money and get to do more things. You understand that process perfectly well when it comes to work.

Progress is a process. You're willing to scratch and claw and work and do whatever it takes for your business. Why not apply that same standard to yourself and your life?

You already know the answer.

Also (and I usually don’t put this directly at the end of my columns, but in this case it applies) if you’re reading this, nodding your head and need some guidance to help you turn these ideas into action and to set up a midlife plan that you’ll follow, along with accountability from someone who has been there, let’s talk.

I work with a select few men one-on-one to help them make the most of midlife. If you’re interested, I’ve got two spots left to help you finish 2026 strong and start 2027 with momentum.  Book a call with me HERE.

In health,